I am as eager for JR Smith to start crookin’ this offseason as he is anxious for something to happen in his life. I thought for sure his offseason boredom would translate into points already. I mean, he’s already gotten a new tattoo! While the #2 pick in the inaugural Crookball draft continues to disappoint, he’s just beginning to excite.
JR Smith’s mansion got robbed while he was puttin’ up 17 points against the Jazz on April 28.
Apparently Smith left his garage door open, as well as the Mercedes that was parked inside. His security cameras were turned off. No one else in the Cherry Hills Country Club had an incident, and the video system at the community entrance had been shut down due to a “pre-planned construction project,” according to Arapahoe County Sheriff Grayson Robinson. Despite the crime lab evidence, Robinson says the case has been “deactivated, because we’ve exhausted the investigative leads.”
Here’s a list of what Smith lost. Should you come across any of these items, send your boy a tweet.
• Garage door opener. Taken from the glove box of the unlocked Mercedes. $50 in value.
• 4 Louis Vuitton bags, $60,000 in value.
• $15,000 cash (inside one of the LV bags).
• 1 G-Shock watch, $200.
• 1 Panerai watch, $5,000.
• 1 black Oakley sports bag, $45.
• Another $2,000 in cash (inside said Oakley bag).
To top it all off, the culprit took Smith’s clothes out of his drawer and tossed them all over his room. What a schmendrick!
Come on, JR! Retaliate!!
– A frustrated Co-mish, Snitches Get Stitches