Golden Tate and the great Seattle donut heist

Seahawks’ undrafted rookie, Golden Tate, had an insatiable craving for some maple bars at 3am on Saturday. Since his Bellevue apartment is in the same building as Top Pot Doughnuts, the wide receiver usually treats the famous shop as an extension of his kitchen. The only problem is, it’s not open 24 hours. Tate ran a route downstairs, snuck in through an unlocked back door and, according to an employee, stole her keys and began scarfing up them shits like Winnie the Pooh with a honey jar.

The lady called 911, and Golden Tate got away with merely a warning and some sticky fingers.

“They’re irresistible,” Tate said, according to the Seattle Times. “If you ever want some maple bars, that’s the place to go.”

When Golden Tate wants a maple bar, you can't keep him from crossing the goal line.

This donut caper comes at a coincidental time, when the Seattle-based chain was just brought on as an official vendor at Qwest Field, home of the Seahawks. Is that why Top Pot didn’t press charges, or is Golden Tate merely a scapegoat in a marketing stunt? Here’s what head coach Pete Carroll had to say about it:

“I’m not disappointed in a guy being in a doughnut shop when they’ve got maple bars like Top Pot has. We talked about it, addressed it and he’s most remorseful about it and all that. I do understand the allure of the maple bars.”

We’ll be watching Carroll’s tummy grow all season. As for Golden Tate, this is a great example of how dumb rookies make for great Crookball players. The big contracts and bright lights bring the sudden allure of invincibility. Eat up rookies. The donut shop is your kitchen, and the liquor store is your sandbox.

– Co-mish, Snitches Get Stitches

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