The New Jersey Nets have been quite a surprise disgrace this season. Not only is there a good chance they’ll end up with a single digit in the win column, an astonishing feat in an 82 game season, but they aren’t letting their terrible record and impossibly lousy play get to them off the court. Not a single one of them has gotten into trouble. Not a one! How can this be? Playing for a historically terrible team, especially in a major market should lead to off-court problems and hilarity. The ‘09-‘10 Nets should be like the ’02-’03 Jail Blazers. What Gives? Chris Douglas-Roberts hasn’t pulled a knife on a cab driver. Yi hasn’t been exposed for an underground cockfighting ring. And the military haircut Lopez has nary a drug bust! You’d think even long-time irrelevant player and former Minnesota Timberwolf, Trenton Hassell would at least be caught with some China white. But, no. Nada. Nuthin’. Zilch.
So, from us here at Crookball to the “players” out in the dirty Jers, stop being shitty AND Boring! Start hangin’ out with Snookie and The Situation or something. I mean they’re right around the corner and they get into shit constantly. If you’re going to be terrible on the court you might as well be entertaining off of it. Who knows? A night of homo-erotic Italian man wrestling, girl punching, Ciroc Vodka drinking and arrhythmic fist-pumping might just be what the Dr. ordered to eek out three more wins…or at least some Crookball buzz.
-The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (Co-Mish)