Ron Artest has defense on his mind…literally. The enigmatic, fan-punching, mink-wearing, terrible-rapping, small forward got his hair did this weekend to remind fans that not only is he great at what he does, but he’s also crazy at it.

Ronald Artestenstein

Hebrew, Hindi and Japanese were the languages of choice for his dome and all three conveyed the same message, “Defense.” Ron Artest’s numbers have not been stellar this season, but he has excelled in one area, not getting into trouble. Ron-Ron has basically had an incident-free first season with his new team the Los Angeles “Smug-As-fuck” Lakers. Aside from his mysterious tumble down the stairs at his home in December, scrutinize his alleged clumsiness here, he has not made any headlines this entire season. It’s been hard to believe this is the same guy that knocked out Turtle’s body double in Detroit, considered leaving the NBA for a career at Circuit City, showed up to practice in a bath robe and once spit,

“Now I might be quick to get a tech,
But I keep my girls in check.
Punch ‘em in the neck
With the utmost respect.”

I thought maybe Ron-Ron was all outta crazy until Sunday’s game against the Orlando Magic when I saw his neon, poly-lingual tribute to fellow defensive force and nut-bag Dennis Rodman. Today Artest reminded us that just like herpes, crazy never goes away.

Haywood’s Heroes will be awarded two points, (1pt for the do and 1pt for the D.W.F.) in “Doin’ Work” because this is just too ugly to go unrewarded.

-The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (Co-Mish)

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