Well, I feel like Brett Ratner. Serena Williams just totally fucked me. I mean she definitely did the fucking in that relationship and she certainly did it to me this week in Crookball. It appears she’s decided to call it quits hilariously berating ball girls and begin founding schools in Africa. While this new hobby is decidedly nobler, I find it far less Crookballtastic. The bootyliscious, ball-whacking, oddly-attractive, linebacker with bangs opened up her 2nd school in Kenya (should have seen this coming) on February 27th and it will accommodate between 250 and 300 students. I have yet to find an accurate source noting the amount of her contribution to the project but it almost certainly stands to be greater than $250,000, which would cost me the maximum 50 pts in “giving back.” At this rate I would need her to berate another dozen or so ball girls while brandishing a rifle that had just done speed during a sexual assault on an on fire child she had just stabbed in the crippled legs with the horn of an endangered rhino pup to recoup the point loss. She has now been dropped faster than a stash bag in front of a whistling Omar Little. If anyone would like her, you’re a moron.
In the mean time I have picked up Alex Castro a.k.a. The Bomb from Guam. Castro has recently been charged with kid-napping, assault with a fire-extinguisher, felonious restraint (He tied up a jazz musician?) and robbery.
Clearly I am not eligible for any of the points that will undoubtedly result from these recent charges, but I’m 97% sure he won’t be financing a children’s chemistry lab in South East Africa anytime soon.
-The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (Co-Mish)