Driving drunk in Manhattan has got to be one of the dumbest crimes in the history of crime. It’s like getting arrested for kidnapping in Malaysia, where I have it on good authority babies are both plentiful and complimentary.
According to Wikipedia (which gives this data an 11% chance of being accurate) there are 13,087 taxis in NYC and over 40,000 other for-hire vehicles Braylon could have taken. NYC also has close to 650 miles of subway (that’s a lot of Jared Fogle). If that were not enough, the Jets have their own complimentary 24 hour limo service for it’s players. So if he wasn’t in the mood for mass transit he could have had a Towncar, Escalade or Mercedes drive him and his entourage.
When Braylon was trapped in my Co-Mish’s hometown of Cleveland and playing for The Browns (a team that would drive anyone to the sauce) getting a DUI would have made sense because, after the bars close there’s pretty much nothing to do there. That over-sized silver triangle filled with guitars and shiny pants really should stay open later than 8pm.
But, in New York City? NEW YORK CITY!?! Come on Bray-Bray! Not only is there hardly a reason to EVER get behind the wheel of a car there, unless it’s yellow and checkered and you’re name has like six consecutive consonants, but what in the world would possess you to do so while intoxicated? It’s just bad bidness, which is why I am blaming his beard.
Braylon promptly trimmed his homage to Kimbo Slice’s Pubic mound after his car trouble and has since looked like a new man. He was sidelined for the 1st quarter of Sunday’s game due to his beard’s weekend indiscretion, but made a huge impact once he entered the game with a 67 yard TD. Since there was no mischievous chin-fro to slow him down or order him another round of lemon drops on the way to the end zone, the NYPD pulled the check point they had planned on setting up at the 10 yard line.